cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
