I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
