yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
