I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Terrible idea I love it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
