i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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