john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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