He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
