She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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