it's not cheating when I paid for it
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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