I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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