margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
