I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
