what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
