idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
