Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
