guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
