Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
