I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
