I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
