I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
