It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
