I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
