Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
