So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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