I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
