Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
