Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
