Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
