Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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