She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
