did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
