The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
