Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
