I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
