She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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