bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
