I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
