who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
