you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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