He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
