All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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