dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
