so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
