yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
