I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
