i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
