I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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