some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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