Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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