I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
