What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
