whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I am available for nakedness
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
