I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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