she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
