Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
so explain again why im purple
no
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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