oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
