My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
