my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
